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Thursday, May 28, 2015

Liquor Hut in Blackwood, NJ

Oh New Jersey. Whatever will we do with you? From your swamps to your strip malls, you really have it all. I, for one, really like beaches that charge you for the pleasure of collecting cigarette butts out of the sand, so New Jersey is a place that is always in my top 47 list of states I like to visit.

But, all kidding aside, New Jersey really is a terrible hellhole of a state. There is no punchline there. I fact-checked it on Wikipedia, and that is what it said.

Despite being the armpit of America, there are a few shining relics in the Garden State. Namely, the Liquor Hut. I like the business owners who recognize that, despite their complete inability to drive like the sane human beings that they probably aren't, New Jersey residents can generally recognize basic shapes, like "huts."

Now I don't want to launch into a whole diatribe about what is and isn't a shape, but I think that we have come to a point with this blog where we can all recognize that "hut" is a shape. Circle, square, rhombus, hut. These are probably the top 4 shapes out there right now. Sorry, triangle. 

So when you have a good, recognizable, definitely real shape like "hut," you don't want to go and do something hasty like change the name of the place and confuse your clientele. Pizza Hut = hut that sells pizza. Liquor Hut = hut that sells liquor. Simple. Just figure out what you need, jump in your Trans Am, and head in the direction of the appropriately named hut. 

Now I know that I will get literally tens of emails about how there is nothing wrong with New Jersey and I should stop saying such things and that I am just promoting bad stereotypes and that my credit card bill is past due and the like, but I did not quit my job to start a meaningless blog just to pander to my audience, no sir.

So keep on trucking, Liquor Hut. Keep the Miller Lite and Mad Dog flowing. The people of New Jersey need you.

Special thanks to Reggie for submitting this UTBAPH. You can blame Reggie for anything you didn't like about this post.